Who feels like they have this disorder?

[CryOutLove]

Do you ever see yourself fatter in the mirror than people do in reality,?

[clarita]

i know i do. after years of this i've realized that i don't actually know what i look like, or even how to perceive what it is that i think i see.

my favorite story (i can laugh at it now..):

the first time i got down to 105, i started freaking out in front of the mirror because i noticed i was getting lumps of fat on what used to be a smooth (but jiggly) stomach. my then boyfriend walked in, asked what was wrong, laughed, and told me that my "fat lumps" were actually abs. experimental flexing forced me to believe him. ha!

our brains do crazy things =\

[SkinKnee28]

Im positive i do this. I always am returning clothing cause i insist i wear a large and i get it home and its incredibly huge. My BF even makes comments when we're out about how big that shirt looks and he doesn't think it would fit... when then makes me believe he thinks i need a larger size. I do this for everything..

I have friends that always make comments about how they adore this or that about me and i just can't see it... i'm insanely insecure about pictures and find myself untagging most pictures others post cause i look absolutely horrid. or i think i do :-)

[Sosic.420]

i can honestly say i have no idea what my body really looks like.
i mean, it switches constantly, when im lighter i feel bigger, when im bigger i feel HUGE. but at the same time, my body always looks the same to me.
just fat.
but i really have no idea if im big, small or what. i just starve starve starve. so i can at least no i cant be gaining!

[misunderstoodsam]

I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. Flabby thighs, chubby arms, a bloated stomach... and people tell me I look sickly thin. I want to believe they're right, but when I think of recovery I just laugh. Nobody with thighs as big as mine would ever be seen in a hospital for anorexia.

[lory]

were the same hun :'(
same cw too..
gaaah i want to cry 24/7 not just at night.
i hate myself.

[shayyy333]

i know i do. after years of this i've realized that i don't actually know what i look like, or even how to perceive what it is that i think i see.

Thank you for putting into words what i never could, and expressing how i feel.
I simply cant percieve myself. If someone could just tell me definitively what i looked like, i would be happy. Even if im fat, at least i would know.

[clarita]

Thank you for putting into words what i never could, and expressing how i feel.
I simply cant percieve myself. If someone could just tell me definitively what i looked like, i would be happy. Even if im fat, at least i would know.

it's nice knowing we're not alone!

i'm curious about something:
i've had a few instances, maybe three or four, over the past six years where i've been (at my lowest weight and feeling horrible about myself) walking somewhere and i caught someone's reflection in giant store windows and thought: UGH, i wish i was skinny like that. ONLY to realize a split second later that it was my reflection, and immediately it morphs back into the fat person i'm used to seeing.

have any of you ever experienced this??? it's the weirdest thing ever. i didn't know what to believe.

[shayyy333]

it's nice knowing we're not alone!

i'm curious about something:
i've had a few instances, maybe three or four, over the past six years where i've been (at my lowest weight and feeling horrible about myself) walking somewhere and i caught someone's reflection in giant store windows and thought: UGH, i wish i was skinny like that. ONLY to realize a split second later that it was my reflection, and immediately it morphs back into the fat person i'm used to seeing.

have any of you ever experienced this??? it's the weirdest thing ever. i didn't know what to believe.

wow, thats so crazy. On occasion i do have something similar happen, but not to that extreme. Like ill be walking and suddenly notice myself in a window and think, wow those are soem nice legs.
But no, ive never had something exactly like that happen, but thats because honestly ive never really gotten that slim. I DO know that. But things like that happen to me all the time, but the other way around. Ill feel good about myself for once, and then catch a surpise glimse of myself, and suddenly feel disgusting. Like just a couple days ago i was sitting in class, feeling kinda pretty, and spotted myself in my friends glasses. I wanted to die right there, i was so ashamed of how gross i looked.

but ill tell you what --- DEFINATELY believe the first impression. Its your brain processing purely what is there, without input from your insecurities or preconcieved notions. Its what you would see if you were completely unbiased.

[Starving-Beauty]

yep everyone in real life tells me im to skinny and that i need to GAIN WEIGHT! but gaining weight is never anoption especialy when im feeling this fat..i feel fatter now then what i was at 148lbs.also every shop window i walk past i always take a glance at my reflection and i feel disgusted about going outside looking that fat..also if im over 112lbs i wont go outside until im down to atleast 111-112lbs.and when im around 111+ i dont wear shorts/singlets i just wear baggy clothes trackies/baggy jumpers even if its hot! sometimes i cant even sleep because i cant stop thinking omg how can you just go to sleep and not move for 8 hours your going to get even fatter!!

[gmacarroll]

Ya, all the time. My boyfriend tells me how pretty I am, but when I look in the mirror, I simply don't see it. The other day I went to the dentist and the dental assistant said "Oh, I'd die to be as small as you!", I felt really proud of myself, since I had been restricting for a couple a days and thought "wow! maybe I DID loose a bunch of weight, and I just didn't notice..." I went home to look at myself and POW! There I was, the same fat, ugly blob of a thing I always am.

What really got me was a couple of days ago...I ended up being hospitalized due to chest pains and passing out and when I got out I had to tell my boyfriend that the reason I was in there was because I was restricting, while still purging and taking laxatives. Anyways, he was trying to be really supportive and asked if now, I would be scared enough to stop. I told him honestly, no, I don't think I can stop just because of something like that (the amount of damage i've done to myself is ridiculous, yet I still can't stop. I know the consequences should scare me, but I guess i'd rather be thin then healthy :S). I told him that, the only way I felt pretty and worthwhile was when I was thin, and that, since I could never be as pretty as some of my friends (who he agrees are also attractive) i'd try to be as skinny as them, and then maybe then i'd be attractive too. That's when he said "how can you not tell that you are skinner then them..you are less then a size zero and they are at least a size 8". When I thought about it, I realized it was true. One of the smaller ones gave me her pants because they were too small and they are WAY too big for me. Yet despite logically coming to the conclusion that i am thinner then them, I still don't see it.

[siany]

i know i do. after years of this i've realized that i don't actually know what i look like, or even how to perceive what it is that i think i see.
the strange thing is.. when i was about 9 i can remember looking in a mirror and thinking is that actually me because i hear people say im beautiful/cute and i just dont see it, maybe thats when the whole under lying ed occured or something.. ah i dont know, maybe everyone thinks it?

[319]

Hey!
I'm a bit late replying to this...
I'm exactly like this, I catch a look at myself in a mirror/window somewhere and my mood just drops completely. I see myself and I think I look about 15stone.
It's started to really frustrate and annoy my boyfriend which just makes me feel worse because out of everyone i thought he'd understand me :(
I just hate the look of my legs, they're massive, and my stomach, i hate hate hate it. I'm sort of dreading summer :|
x