Bleh...

[lalalalaah]

So I just pissed around for like, 20 minutes plus, trying to find an icon for on here just avoiding writing here. Ironic that I can't even have one... I don't even know why I was putting it off, I haven't spoke to anyone about my 'thing' yet, maybe that's why and I'm worried someone i know might recognize my writing or something, just being a dumb ass.

I say thing because well, I'm not even sure it can be classes as Bulimia. From some of the things some of you guys have said anyway.

So, basically, I don't really binge but I purge about 3 times a week and i do it because I don't want to get any porkier than I already am. When I eat something good -you know the bad crap that packs on like, 20 pounds per half a spoonful- and not in excess. Sometimes I do it because I feel really full and sick but most of the time it's just because I don't wanna put on weight.

I've never been really fat, or fat at all but kinda average. My whole family is a line of these gorgeous people, skinny, big boobs (How does that even happen gr), nice hair and super smart, you know, perfect and I'm the average person that no one really pays too much attention to. I guess the purging is my way of trying to get to be like them, the skinny pretty thing anyway, nothing I can do about the pancakes where my boobs should be. It only started like, i dunno 6 months ago and it wasn't anything at all, like once every 3 weeks or so but it's got worse over time. Obviously...

So yeah, that's me in a nutshell, and me watering it down so I don't go crazy on the page and write a huge essay no one would actually ever read. I have a habit of rambling and talking shit, kinda like i am now. So yah....

(:

[FishFace]

I can't be sure, I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I'm pretty sure you would be diagnosed as bulimic from what you've said.

BTW I find it hard to avoid rambling too. Sometimes I write a veritable thesis, then just delete it because I'm too tired to thin it down to a readable size.

[lalalalaah]

Yeah, *sigh* well what ever it is, it isn't good. It bothers that me I can't quit either, cause I know I don't want to put on the weight I've lost since I started, I used to be like 145lb and I'm 5,6. It was so yucky, flubber legs and arms and some serious muffin tops. Now I'm 124lb and bordering on 5,7 so everything gone better, except my ass. The thing is huge! haha Oddly it doesn't bother me though, I kinda like that it didn't shrink, it's second best to big boobs, apparently and it's the one thing my sister envies about my body.

Frigging spring break is here now too, I like being off and all but being home makes me eat cause I get super bored. Most of my friends have gone away too and abandoned me for 2 whole weeks. Ugh. Any one else have the eating boredome issue? The bane of my life, i swear.

[Thru_The_Looking_Glass]

Hey just thought I could maybe help you out with ur ED identity issue. Since u dont really binge, thats not really a bulimic. And if u just purge regular meals u maybe a purging anorexic, but thats dependent upon if u still menstrate. So, if u dont binge and still have ur period than u might be some subclass of EDNOS. If u have any questions, hit me up, Im a therapy veteran haha

[lalalalaah]

Thanks TTLG. If thats the case I guess I'm just an EDNOS. Something thats not anything at all hehe. Kinda suits me not to have an actual catagory. Very me. :P
Well I'm very proud of myself 3 days no purging! Though I did have a little freek out, my sister was saying im not eating enough and was like 'you'll get fat only eating 600 cals a day' cause aparently your body hangs onto every cal cause it goes into starvation mode! Then she had to go a prove it on one of her work out shows. Ugh. How am I supposed to lose weight and get rid of the purging.

[Thru_The_Looking_Glass]

No dont look at EDNOS as not a real ED. Its still very serious and usually bounces in and out of both bulimia and anorexia. EDNOS is one of the 4 major subclasses of eating disorders.

And ur sister is right. The best way to lose weight is to eat atleast 1200 cal and up to 1600 and exercise. Do muscle toning exercises first, I like weights, then do 15 to 20 min of cardio, crunches and another 15 to 20 min of cardio.

If u do weights, or pilates, etc. first u burn off the "sugar" in ur blood while strength training (if u just do cardio, it usually takes atleast the first 15 min to do that and ur not burning fat in that time). While doing cardio ur burning purely fat and the crunch break in between actually boosts the calories ur burning. Theres no need to work out more than an hour a day. I used to do figure model training, so try it out, its the healthy way to do things.

[lalalalaah]

Oh, I didn't mean it like. I know it is something, it hard to explain how I meant it.

Usually I do work out, I only really go after school though cause it's just across the road so I haven't been in like 2 weeks (eeeh). But that's really helpful to know about the weights, I do 4 days a week for 2 hours each time usually do about 45-60 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weights and crunches and all that stuff and probably the rest of the time sitting around taking (can't help it lol).

So thanks for the advice!

When it comes to the calories I'm gonna try and eat more but when ever I do I just feel the need to purge. Like yesterday, I ate more than usual and it purged. I was pissed at myself when i did it. I had been doing really we and I went in and out of the bathroom like who knows how many times arguing with myself not to do it but I gave in.

Back to square one I guess. Things should be better when i can get back to the gym.

[sad panda stevi]

i understand about the not always binging always purging, ill barely eat maybe one meal a day but it will make me full and in turn make me feel guilty and get rid of it. im sure ud be diagnosed with mia, i mean i was about 4 years ago, and i used to binge but its settled and then got worse, purging without the binging that can be worse sometimes, half as much food in ur system then getting rid of it. makes a person very weak.

[BJC]

i dont think i binge, well i do sometimes,
but i mainly just throw up after anything i eat. =\
not good i know.

and i know what you mean about not exactly being fat, but not exaclty being slim. thats exactly what i am. which is ssooo annoying, cos your kinda there, and yet your so far away. :(

i just hope this isnt a waste of time. :)


p.s, good luck with eveything.

[penny apple]

Heyy, i hope you don't think im intruding now? but you describe something that is completely the same as me; in that i dont really b/p but when i do eat i merely throw it back up afterwards. I started off at first only doing it once in a while, which had nothing to do with losing weight, i just felt like id eaten too much and needed to get it out of my system and i know it sounds bad but when i did it, it seemed like all of the problems flooded out at the same time and so i kind of felt so much better. This is going to turn into such a literal rant and for that im sorry :\
Since then it's become more frequent and im so scared im going to just fall into a trap i can never escape but tbh i still dont think i have an ED :S... For me it didnt even start off as an issue regarding weight, although all of my life ive had MAJOR hang-ups with my body, but more so with my emotions. I mean to put it more straightforward, ive only been doing it for just over half a year probably :\ but it was at a time where i was being stalked by someone who was threatening to cut my throat as he put it and then just issues at home made me turn to making myself sick as a way of escaping the pain of facing what was going on around me. I feel so stupid for ranting about this lol, as people probably dont want to read it but it just feels so much better to be able to vent it all in some way rather than keeping it all in, i have no-one i can talk to in my life that understands the way i feel...