Stupid WOMEN!

[iliketurtles]

bla dee bloo bloo blah, personal shit

[guesswho]

see, i dont think i could do with just a boyfriend or just a girlfriend for too long- id have to have both at some point because its just so different for me.

would you ever do something like that for even just a couple of weeks if he was okay with it so you could stop wondering "what if..." about her? and who knows- maybe even get it out of your system?

well whatever you wind up doing, good luck :)

[iliketurtles]

That'd be the ideal :) but we're in a real kind of innocent, completely honest and in love with each other phase of our relationship and I really don't want to destroy that. I don't think he's ever been properly hurt before and I don't want to be the first person that breaks the heart of this humpable lump of loveliness. He's already dealing with my self harm problem, I don't want to put this on him as well (he knows I'm bisexual, the first night he met me was at a houseparty at my house where I was all over this girl I was scoring, he's fine with it, but "Oh hey, I'm gonna go have sex with women, brb" is too much to ask someone to accept).

Thanks though!

[averageguy]

To me, it sounds like a case of "me, me, me". Your relationships are based on you getting what you want. Good relationships don't work this way.

Do you find this to be the case or not?

[iliketurtles]

I don't think that's the case. In the relationship I was in before I behaved pretty terribly, but it was more a case of pushing the guy to see how much I could get away with (and how much crap I could take) than being particularly selfish, or acting out because I felt trapped in a situation I really resented (if I broke up with him, and I did, several times, he'd pretty much follow me around til I took him back, we had several close mutual friends so it was impossible to avoid him without putting them in a bad position by asking them to choose between us).

I'm interested in what you're basing that comment on actually.

[averageguy]

It's based on that you only mentioned the events and things that related to you in your first post.

Also, you behave so terribly and he still stays with you, and you accept it that way.

In relation to your post about how you behave, this sounds like a case of a little girl finding her boundaries and wanting someone to place some control into her life. It's also very feminine. Do you have any problems with being assertiveness?

If I had to guess, I'd say that you both need each other. He's looking for someone very feminine and vulnerable, and you're looking for someone to take charge and put you back together.

[iliketurtles]

It's based on that you only mentioned the events and things that related to you in your first post.



I'm sorry, which things and events did you want me to bring up in a rant/request for advice on a problem specifically relating to things and events in my own life? Besides which I really don't think that's fair. I gave a brief account of a previous relationship (which fair enough wasn't completely relevant but as I said, I was ranting), then the origins of the source of the rant (girl trouble, new boyfriend). I would've brought up, oh, I dunno, Haiti, but I didn't see the relevance.




Also, you behave so terribly and he still stays with you, and you accept it that way.

In relation to your post about how you behave, this sounds like a case of a little girl finding her boundaries and wanting someone to place some control into her life. It's also very feminine. Do you have any problems with being assertiveness?

If I had to guess, I'd say that you both need each other. He's looking for someone very feminine and vulnerable, and you're looking for someone to take charge and put you back together.


If I had to guess I'd say you hadn't read my first post properly, seeing as I am in fact talking about two different boyfriends (old one=bad; loud, arrogant, attention-seeking, passive-aggressive, womaniser. New one=good; considerate, friendly, honest, secure individual), and you seem to be basing your impressively confident psychological assessment on me being talking about the same guy the whole way through.

[averageguy]

I'm sorry, which things and events did you want me to bring up in a rant/request for advice on a problem specifically relating to things and events in my own life? Besides which I really don't think that's fair. I gave a brief account of a previous relationship (which fair enough wasn't completely relevant but as I said, I was ranting), then the origins of the source of the rant (girl trouble, new boyfriend). I would've brought up, oh, I dunno, Haiti, but I didn't see the relevance.




If I had to guess I'd say you hadn't read my first post properly, seeing as I am in fact talking about two different boyfriends (old one=bad; loud, arrogant, attention-seeking, passive-aggressive, womaniser. New one=good; considerate, friendly, honest, secure individual), and you seem to be basing your impressively confident psychological assessment on me being talking about the same guy the whole way through.

I'm more or less throwing spaghetti on a wall, but it sounds like denial perhaps. I'd also question your love for your new boyfriend due to this:

"would happily kick the living shit out of just about anybody for hurting him"

meaning that you would protect him, meaning that he's not protecting you. If he's not taking charge, I don't know how you'd be happy, being so feminine and all.

[iliketurtles]

I'm more or less throwing spaghetti on a wall, but it sounds like denial perhaps. I'd also question your love for your new boyfriend due to this:



You're throwing some pretty personal accusations around here buddy, you may want to start backing yourself up. If I were to throw spaghetti at the wall I might say something like you sound like a tactless, arrogant individual who isn't half as perceptive or intelligent as he thinks he is, and whose username is flattering if anything. Isn't it nice that people don't go around throwing spaghetti on walls all the time? :)


"would happily kick the living shit out of just about anybody for hurting him"

meaning that you would protect him, meaning that he's not protecting you. If he's not taking charge, I don't know how you'd be happy, being so feminine and all.

Firstly, a loving relationship does tend to elicit feelings of protectiveness in both parties. Secondly, femininity and protectiveness are not mutually exclusive, and thirdly and finally could you give me a working definition of how you're using the word feminine here? I'm inferring one from reading your other posts which is probably not fair, so please enlighten me.

And do please tell me if I'm not being assertive enough.

[averageguy]

To me, it sounds like you already know the solution to any problems you might have, which might explain why you're having these issues with relationships.

In another light, it could look like you have no problems that you can't already deal with, and that your post wasn't a cry for help and for feeling that you're not alone, asking for reassurance that what you're doing isn't the wrong thing.

In that light, I'd say that I think you're fine, and that being in a relationship with some issues is probably better than being involved with no one at all.